There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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