Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
