I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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