Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
