Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
