Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
