just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
