you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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