I faked an abortion last night.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
