There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They took my balls.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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