I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
