Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize