lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We need to rekindle our bromance
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
