why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
