Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if only i could text you this smell
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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