brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize