Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
