normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Too much gin, very little bucket
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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