Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
