I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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