Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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