We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
