What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
