just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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