$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize