i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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