Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
