I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
