I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
