I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
