Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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