He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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