So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize