Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
