all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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