dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
