You really coming over, don't trick.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We need a shit load of segways right now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
