Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
