Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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