Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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