just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
