I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
