I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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