You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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