If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
