This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's blow job season.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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