A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
