i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
