my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
