hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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