Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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