I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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