Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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