hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
