and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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