Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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