Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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