Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
