I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize