I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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