My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
