K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm really into asian looking animals
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
