end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
