If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
