it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
