i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
